Gryphon Astrology Blog

Question:

I have one question which I have kept asking myself for two years : “Does he love me?”
I thought I have found my twin soul who is also love of my life. In 2004, we started talking and seeing each other. At that time, we were quite obsessed with each other. However, we kept the relationship only as a friendship. Then, he met one guy. Yes, he is bisexual. I left him for 6 months without any contact. I was very hurt. And then we came back to seeing each other again. It was on and off. However, it is very easy for us to reconcile. The universe seems to force us to reconcile anyway. We met accidentally very, very often, like 7 times in two months.

For me, he is love of my life. I loved him at first sight. For him, I know that he is my best friend. If I have problem, he would try to help me more than my other friends.

From the past 13 years, he have had many boyfriends but only one girlfriend. He had a girlfriend when he was around 18-19 for 4 years. After that, he went to study in the US and decided to be gay for good. He did not have sex with that girl anyway since they were still young and it was not acceptable in our conservative society.

I know that he also has strong feelings for me. He was hurt too when we were apart. We understand each other very well. We think and act alike. I really want to know whether he is sexually attracted to me or not. Does he love me as lover, not only a friend? What is the future of our relationship? Does he love him more than me?
—A.

Nina Gryphon:

Dear A.,

You are in a fairly unique but still not terribly unusual (and unenviable) situation. I cannot help but think back to a study that was recently done on men who self-identified as bisexual. You can read about it in this New York Times article . The study concluded that the number of true male bisexuals, that is men more or less equally attracted to both sexes, is far smaller than previously thought. Instead, what you mostly get are men primarily aroused by one sex, but who prefer to identify as bisexual for whatever reason.

The study has attracted some controversy, but it strikes me as very apropos in your situation. You mentioned in your e-mail that the man is bisexual and that he is gay; he cannot be both. Given the fact that he strongly seems to prefer men, I would place him more on the gay end of the spectrum. So even before looking at the horoscope, we know the odds are not in your favor. What I think will be of interest here to you is why he seems so intent on maintaining this relationship with you if he prefers to be with men.

As always, I cast a horoscope for the moment I understood your question a technique known as horary astrology. This is a very old technique, used as long ago as the ancient Greeks. It is very good at getting to the root of a relatively complex situation, and figuring out the motivations of those involved. It is also very good at predicting future trends in the situation. The horoscope for your question is here:

In this horoscope, you are shown by Jupiter, ruler of the first house of the self, and by Venus, which rules your female urge to find a mate. The man you’re asking about is ruled by Mercury, ruler of your seventh house of partners, and his male urge to find a mate is the Sun. Since your question so specifically asked about his sexual attraction to you, we will spend a lot of time talking about the instinct symbolized by the Sun.

The Sun is at 25 Virgo in the ninth house. In Virgo, the Sun is in the detriment of Jupiter and in the fall of Venus. Therefore, he is not sexually attracted to whatever Jupiter or Venus symbolize. In this case, as I said above, Jupiter and Venus are both your significators. Therefore, the short answer is that he is not sexually attracted to you at this time.

However, there is more to the story. The Sun is about to enter the sign Libra, which is ruled by Venus. This is the same Venus that is the significator of your sexuality, so we can assume he will shortly become more attracted to you in a physical way. Now this is interesting. Why? We see the Sun has recently separated from the malefic South Node, which indicates that he has recently undergone something nasty. Given the context here, it could be that he has just endured some kind of breakup or something kind of traumatic. So his first instinct will be to run to you, his best girlfriend. The problem is that by entering Libra, the Sun enters its fall, meaning he will not be able to perform his Sun functions. So, expect him to attempt to reconcile, but do not expect a fully functional sexual relationship.

This still leaves the question: why is he leaving you dangling and hoping for more? I think the answer comes from the fact that you both come from what you describe as a socially conservative culture. Notice that Mercury, which shows him at the mental level, is in the sign of Libra (ruled by Venus or your sexual side). So on a mental level, cerebrally, he rather likes the idea of dating you, because it conforms to his cultural notion of a “normal relationship.” Notice, too, that Mercury has just separated from a conjunction of Mars. Conjunction is an old word for sex; here is another piece of evidence that he has recently broken up with someone, and wants someone stable (like you!) to comfort him whenever a boyfriend dumps him.

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