Gryphon Astrology Blog

Question:

I cheated on my boyfriend of one year with a friend of his. The relationship with my boyfriend was going badly - I felt he wasn’t caring enough and not romantic, not trying anymore. I would pour my heart to him and he’d fall asleep or say one word answers, yet he told me he loved me. We were on the verge of ending it and I couldn’t decide on living with my parents or him. I thought I lost the magic of love and life, but when I met his friend something happened inside of me. I believe I had butterflies and the whole nine yards.

There’s something about him that I cannot place. I don’t know what to do - if I should pursue his friend and let my boyfriend find someone more for him (he already knows I cheated, an ex best friend told him to spite me) and my boyfriend is deciding if he wants to try again (which I’m doubtful). I think it would work if he wanted, except I cannot get his friend out of my head. What do I do? Is it just a fantasy? A lot of times I just couldn’t believe he was real and every time I’d see him it would send me relief.

Was my boyfriend my soul mate? Did I mess it up? I don’t want to be alone. I am really sorry I hurt him, hurting him hurts me to my very soul. I do love him but maybe not like I think I do. I don’t know much about his friend but something tells me…something. I get vibes from people. I just cannot place his. It is almost like he is my fairy-tale.

—A.

Nina Gryphon:
Dear A.,

It is so hard to know what to do - should you go for the safe but boring relationship? Or should you go for the more exciting but unknown “other man?” What if he leaves you? I honestly do not know a single woman who has not had this dilemma at some point in her life, and the answer is different in each case. Let us take a look at your situation.

I cast a horary astrological chart for the moment I understood your question. These questions about three parties in a love relationship can be tricky, because we only have one house (the 7th) for the signficant other. And we don’t know which signficant other - the boyfriend or the friend - gets the 7th house. To learn that, we have to look at the receptions among the planets and see who likes whom based on your description of the situation.

The woman herself is Mercury and her feelings are shown by the Moon. Mercury is very strong in Virgo (in its sign and exaltation), and strongly positioned on the Ascendant, while the Moon is very strong in Taurus, where it is exalted. The 8th house is the house of fear, so we can see that she is extremely afraid of making the wrong choice. In this context, the strength of the two planets likely means that the woman is pretty desirable, and wields considerable power in the situation. Notice, by the way, that Mercury is about to move into Libra, into Venus’s sign. The Moon already is in Venus’s sign - whatever Venus is, this woman is very interested in, and will get more interested as time goes on.

Could Venus be the friend? You described him to me as a very Venusian guy (musical, attractive, very sweet, reputedly a bit of a player). Let us keep that in mind and see whether we can confirm this. Jupiter rules the 7th house of the significant other. It is in Scorpio, where it is in the Moon’s fall and Venus’s detriment. We already know that the Moon shows the woman’s emotions. So it looks like Jupiter is the boyfriend, who hates the fact that the woman is in love with the friend.

The Sun is the boyfriend’s sexual side, and we see that the Sun is in Virgo, just outside of the 1st house, so it is on your mind. This shows that having a signficant other/partner is very important to you - physically, he is attracted to you, so the relationship could work on that level. At least for a while. However, I do not think that even if you go back to the boyfriend, the relationship will last. The fact that you cheated on him is going to continue bothering him, and you will not be happy. None of your planets show you very interested in the boyfriend - going back is really not an option for you.

What about a future with the friend? Venus is in Virgo, so he is very interested in you (Mercury). As I said, Mercury is about to enter Libra, where it is very interested in Venus. So we shortly see you very interested in him and he already is interested in you. Will you actually get together and be in a relationship? This seems less likely. The Moon (you) is separating from a trine to Venus (the friend), and about to oppose Jupiter (the boyfriend). You may call it quits with the boyfriend because he will not make you feel good, but it seems less likely that you will be able to start anything long-term with the friend.

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